Episode 258: Handle this Family Filled Holiday Season with a Plan!

Private Coaching Today, I am going to talk about what is honestly sometimes a very painful thing to talk about, which is going home for the holidays.  Because actually going home for the holidays for me is a joyous thing now.  But when I was younger, it was harder. And it wasn't necessarily because of my parents, but it was things that triggered me, like the cold, like it being darker. And those kinds of things would bring up a lot of anxiety with me. One of the things I will be talking about is triggers and how to take care of yourself around triggers.  So, what do I mean by a trigger?  A trigger for me is it gets darker earlier.  If you listen to my podcast episode 102, you'll hear that when it started to get dark when I was a child, that's when my anxiety would kick up.  Guess what happens now? It gets darker earlier.  Now, I will be honest with you: it still reminds me every year, but I also have come so far that it doesn't bother me anymore. But I'm not going to tell you that if I get emotionally ruffled, it's not going to get kicked up again, and that's what I want you to look out for this holiday season.  Exercise: Either on your phone, while you're listening to this or pen and paper, I want you to think of three to five things that could potentially trigger you this holiday season. So for me, it's that it gets dark earlier. The other thing is that my family lives on the East Coast. And guess what? It's cold on the East Coast. It's freezing. That's why I live part of the year in Los Angeles because it's nice and toasty here.  Those are things that immediately crop up for me. My parents also live in the country. And for some reason, even though in L. A. I'm in the middle of nowhere in the middle of L.A., and I, for some reason, get very triggered by the cold and the night and being isolated.  So those are the three things that trigger me. And I want to ask yourself what your things are.  Is it a family member who says, “Oh, wow, that strike? Hey, are you even going to still have a career?”  Whatever Uncle, whoever Aunt, your mom, your dad, that older brother. I recently heard from a dear friend of mine that his older brother used to put him down a bit. And although time has passed, it's still a trigger.  So, write down your three to five triggers. If you have more, that's fine.  Then, what I want you to do is I want you to think of a contrary thought or an alternate thought that you can say to yourself if you start to get triggered.  One of them, which is the ultimate Truth, is this too shall pass.  Or reminding yourself, is there something soothing you can do for yourself?  One of the things I like to do is have these special peppermints. My mom gave me them. They're Dutch peppermints. I like to have them in my pocket. It's just a little thing that comforts me.  Also, sometimes, putting my hand on a particular area of my shoulder comforts me.  So it's things that I can think of and things that I can do.  You want to think of an alternate thought and an alternate action. With an alternate thought, as I said, “This too shall pass,” but also, a good thought would be, “It's going to be okay. I got you. It's going to be okay.” Reminding yourself that the Universe is on your side.  One of the things that I do is light a candle that makes me feel safe because it reminds me of the presence of the Universe and that I'm not alone, that this too shall pass, that I'm going to be okay and that I love myself.  I approve of myself and that I've got myself emotionally during that time. The thing is, and Melody Beattie talks about it in Language of Letting Go, for some people, it's Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever you celebrate; it's that time of year.  And for some people, it's like the worst trifecta in the world, which is Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's, or Thanksgiving, winter holidays, and New Year's, and they're like, “Oh God, I just want to get through.” How can you take care of yourself this holiday season?  One of the ways you can is to write down those potential triggers and create a plan.  Create a plan of positive thoughts. Create a plan of positive actions that are going to help you.  What are you going to do if you get triggered? Are you bringing a pet with you? Is there a pet where you're going that you can go to?  Is there a relative who you know you're safe with?  What can you do to take care of yourself?  Remember, you also have this podcast. There are so many core messages. In this podcast, I've done over a hundred of them. Bring it with you. Bring me with you on your holidays.  I'm more than happy to be your companion.  Write to me if you get scared. I'm here. [email protected] The thing is, have your own back. Have a plan. If you need to, go a little late and leave a little early.  And also remember, you can just listen. That's one of the best things somebody told me about triggering situations. When you're in a triggering situation, start asking the person about how they're doing. What's going on in their life? You don't have to prove anything to anybody.  Do you know what you need to do this holiday season? You need to love yourself and take care of yourself.  And how do you do that? Write down those potential pitfalls, those potential triggers, and then write out your thought plan and write out your action plan of how you are going to get yourself through.  Because you know what? You can do it. You are capable. You can manage this holiday season.