How to cope when your child can't

When a child is suffering from mental health problems it feels natural for a parent to feel sad and anxious. But when Ursula Saunders' son refused to go to secondary school her life was turned upside down: his problems dominated family life, she gave up work and couldn't stop crying. She searched online for support but it all seemed to be directed at children, with nothing on offer for parents. So she sought advice from two psychologist friends Professor Roz Shafran and Dr Alice Welham. After speaking to dozens of other parents about what helped them, they co-wrote How To Cope When Your Child Can't - a collection of experiences and information from psychological research. We hear from Ursula and Roz about their top tips for parents like problem solving, self-compassion and creating boundaries. Roz Shafran offers advice to families waiting for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, which have been under particular strain during the Covid pandemic. We also hear from Lily who got support from youth worker Jo at Rise Youth Empowerment in south London when she was struggling with overwhelming anxiety. Lily had already had contact with mental health services but she found that the less formal approach from Rise helped to build up trust and gave her the confidence to make her way back into education. She’s now in the second year of a degree course, has her own flat and is engaged. Jo says that they want to help young people to become resilient – encouraging them to make calls themselves to housing or healthcare professionals rather than doing it for them. Lily says she now feels able to gives back to Rise by presenting workshops for other young people. And there’s news of a study in a German school – where surprisingly few pupils opted for a later start to their day, offered to see if it helped to boost the amount of sleep they got.