112. Mediation Prep That Will be Crucial to Your Case

Listen to this episode BEFORE you go into mediation.  It IS possible to have a positive outcome from mediation, even if you feel like your soon to be ex spouse agree on NOTHING. And before we get into the nitty gritty: Do you have our Divorce Crash Course? It literally holds your hand through ALL major divorce decisions! Get it here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course  Here are 3 EXPERT tips, (from a mediator herself- Joy Rosenthal-https://www.joyrosenthal.com/), to help you reframe your mind before entering mediation: 1) You don't have to RESPECT your soon to be ex, but you still need to have some DIGNITY for them. In other words, treat them like a human who also has wants and needs (even if their wants and needs are questionable and they're acting like a total tool) 2)Start to think of the problem as something that's outside of you and your soon to be ex. Meaning, the issue is "who gets the kids this Christmas?" or "who gets the lake house?" or "who's going to get the collection of ketchup bottles?" (yes, that was an actual issue for one of Morgan's cases). The issue is not about YOU, and it's not about you soon to be ex, it's simply a "problem" that needs to be "solved". 3)Think about why you want what you say you want. This one is kinda about checking ego, and also just gaining some perspective on the situation.  It's important to keep in mind that everyone loses something in a divorce. You're not gonna come of this thing with EVERYTHING you want, it just doesn't work like that.  In fact, the old divorce joke goes, "if both parties are unhappy and feel they got cheated, then the attorneys did their job" I (Andrea) HATE that joke and it makes me want to scream, but that's the way it goes! And remember, mediation, divorce- all of this mess-is just going to be ONE event that happened in your life. It's not your life, you have a lot more life to live when this is all behind you.  Our Family Wizard is here to help you though your coparenting journey. Learn more about them here: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck